In my last post I stated, I was "done" and "programmed". Somewhat true and mostly self denial. In reality, at the end of everyday I lay done to sleep and the day floods through my mind. Things I said, people's expressions, words I read, things I did wrong, people I love, and on and on the reel runs.
I was working on my RS lesson tonight and the first statement reminded me of this: "Determine where you are and what you need to do to be the kind of person you want to be. -Elder Joseph B Wirthlin "Life Lessons Learned" April 2007.
A long while back we had a Blattman reunion and the reunion motto was something like, Sometimes the longest way around is the shortest way home. There are days that I feel I just ran 20 miles but only made it 2 blocks. Life is hard, but I guess just because it is hard doesn't mean it can't be fun too.
I began thinking through the statement, though. Seems like the starting point; whether daily, weekly, or whatever; is important. "Determine where you are...". So I need to take a breath, meet the day and think: I am starting here. (Imagine a X marks the spot). And this spot is calm, this spot is reading my scripture, this spot is a morning prayer, this spot is kissing my kids goodbye and off to school with good feelings in their hearts, this spot is hugging Chris before he leaves and holding on just long enough that our breathing matches pattern, this spot is being happy with where I start...
"Determine...what you need to do to be the kind of person you want.." Seems pretty easy statement. But I just don't know every next step. I want to, ooh, I want to. Controlling every moment would make me very happy. But I am not sure knowing the steps are as necessary as my state of mind. I know I want to be kind, I know I what to be smart, I know I want to resourceful, I know I want to make a difference. Now I need to watch for the opportunities...and work on my availability and capability.
So I will say one more cliche "You can't get where you are going, unless you know where you have been..."
It is kind of like when you drive home from work, going the same way every night, oh the monotony. And at some point you become alert for a moment and can't remember if you stopped at that stop signal, was it red??!, or can't remember if you made that right turn, but you must have because you are now at this point....but there is a brief sense of panic...